4.3.18

Reflection.

Why hello there, once again I vanished off the face of earth when it comes to blogging and I'm truly disappointed with myself. I could come up with many different excuses and reasons on why I haven't been active on my blog.

I'm not too sure on where to start, a lot as changed since I last posted on
here. I guess the biggest change is that I recently got myself a new job and I'm truly over the moon with this change. For a long time I fell down a hole of depression, boring routine and working hard without any appreciation in my old job. But my problem was that I felt safe, in a weird way that job was a safety blanket. I had worked for the same company almost 5 years, it was all that I ever knew. Leading up to Christmas I finally snapped and realised that none of this was doing me any good, I was depressed and it felt like my life had no real meaning... deep I know.

Now reflecting back on everything from last year, I don't even recognise that girl from 2017, she was broken and damaged. I can't get over how badly I let my old job take over my life. It was effecting my relationship with my boyfriend, my parents and even my close friends. I couldn't see it at the time, it wasn't until my boyfriend sat me down and basically said I've turned into a horrid person and it's my job that's doing it to me. Deep down I knew I was getting nasty because I wasn't getting anywhere within my career and was taking it out on others.
I finally sat down with my manager and asked him out right 'Do I have a future career with this company?' and he just stared at me blankly and gave me no real answer, that pretty much summed it up for me that it was time for me to move on from this path and find a new one. I didn't want any old job I wanted to find a company that was passionate and excited about their staff and customers. So I started hunting for jobs late November and I found the perfect job for me. It was for a company/brand that I always got excited about thanks to my old manager who also currently works for them. She would always tell me how amazing the company is and how much they care about their staff. So I applied for that one job and just hoped for the best.
I had my interview early December and didn't find out until the start of January that I had the job. I worked 4 weeks notice at my old job and they truly gave me a hard time, which just opened up my eyes on how petty and horrid they were. I worked really hard for that store for 2 and half years and my manager at the time didn't even have the decently to say thank you or good luck to me. Which just summed up my time with that store. But I've moved on to bigger and better things now, if it wasn't for my manager treating me with no respect and basically pushing me out I wouldn't have found this new amazing job! So in a weird way I guess I should thank him, for being a jobs worth and a bit of a knob?
JACKET - ZARA // TEE - TOPMAN // SHOES - TOPSHOP // BAG - CHANEL
I've currently worked 3 full weeks at my new job and I can truly say I can't compare the company or staff to my old job at all. They are all so lovely, hard working and caring people. The company is amazing that truly care about their staff and not just how much money goes into their tills. The culture and brand worth is honestly the best thing I've ever witnessed and I'm so excited to be a apart of it all! Within my first week there I could feel the difference within myself, I was more happy, upbeat and confidenced. My life as completely done a 360° within 3 weeks all because I got myself a new job, it's completely blown my mind. So I guess the whole point of this blog post is if you're not happy, do something about it even if it's a scary big change. 

Carrying on with the reflection vibe/theme of this post I've also decided that I'm going to take a step back from YouTube and focus more time into this blog and Instagram. As much as I love creating content for my YouTube channel, it takes a lot of planning and time to get a video up. Recently YouTube emailed me saying they are pulling adverts from my videos, which is heartbreaking as my videos just haven't been getting the views, specially when you compare how many subscribers I have, it just doesn't add up. I've contacted YouTube about this so many times now and they just haven't done anything about it. If you've followed me for a while I've been very open about how much I earn from my videos and it's little as nothing, roughly £60 a year. I don't create videos for the money at all, I create them to give advise but also talk about my personal experiences which might help others. But if my videos aren't being seen by my subscribers that I've worked so hard to get, then what's the point? Sounds all negative I know but I'm just not too sure on what else to do. If you have any advise please get in contact with me! 
But on a positive note! I'm going to try and post on here on a weekly bases, I haven't decided if I will have a schedule a such but time will tell! 
Much Love!
Charl .xo
Photography by Billy Shatford

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